Humor Police Blotter

CCSU Police Blotter

October 24Five CCSU students have been hospitalized for unexplained neck lacerations. In addition to blood loss, students were treated for anemia, insomnia, and light sensitivity. Since the initial incident, dozens of more students have been admitted for similar injuries. Police have few leads. “All we know is folks wake up and are sick,” said CCSU officer Clyde Renfield. Police have requested interviews with members of the CCSU Coven Club.  

October 25-CCSU Police are on the lookout for local bandits the “Spice Girls” after viewing surveillance footage of three white females wearing UGG boots, black leggings, and olive colored vests stealing pumpkin spice latte ingredients from the Dunkin Donuts on 1537 Stanley Street. “We take this very serious,” said New Britain Human Services director Maude Sweet. “Mixed incorrectly, the drink is a potent cocktail resulting in the loss of hair, memory, and fashion sense.” CCSU police are working closely with state and local health services to urge those battling addiction to seek help.

Blue Muse Magazine is a general interest literary magazine published by the students of the English Department at Central Connecticut State University in New Britain, Connecticut. We publish poetry, fiction, and a gamut of creative nonfiction on anything and everything the blue muse inspires us to write.

4 comments on “CCSU Police Blotter

  1. Mary Collins

    SO happy to see some humor!

    Like

  2. Cute. I like police news!

    Like

  3. Under January 20th it says “complaniants” rather than complaints.
    Hilarious piece though, what a cool concept!

    Like

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