Dear Ted Harbert,
I’m just a lowly man from a suburb you will no doubt have ever heard of, but if I could bend your ear for just a moment, I would like to tell you this: you must stop the genocide of decent television programming.
You unapologetically turn people’s minds into mush as you bombard them with regurgitated show ideas starring the C-list celebrity of the month. You are perpetuating the apocryphal claim that the lives of snobby bimbos, and douchey ass-wipes with too much money, are somehow more meaningful than the life of the common man.
Think I’m done yet? Not a chance Teddy boy, so sit tight. I owe you one, since I have been subjected to having to watch your programs with my girlfriend — every nasal utterance from Kim Kardashian is like a bowling ball being dropped on my cranium. The moment that really made my blood boil, though, was E! News’ interview with Jim Carrey.
Your “reporter,” Catt Sadler, gawked between Carrey and the camera as if he were from the planet Zeffelganubi when he spoke some existential truths. At the red carpet interview during New York Fashion Week he said, “There’s no meaning to any of this.” Guess what? He’s absolutely goddamn correct, you Hollywood swine!
I do realize that his comments did not exactly pertain to fashion, but he did point toward the illusory nature of the icons the event was meant to celebrate. Jim was speaking on a higher level of what reality actually is, or isn’t, and that made your representatives uncomfortable. Good, I say. They ought to be, because they make me uncomfortable every time I see them sinking their teeth into some lame story about John Travolta’s fluctuating weight problem.
Or perhaps it is that you are more concerned with appealing to the lowest common denominator. I talk to regular people, unlike you, so trust me, we can handle a little thought provoking dialogue. On a lower plane of understanding, people do spend too much time worshiping celebrities, instead of investing in themselves, and you are in some ways responsible for that fact, Ted-O.
Yes, Jim did get a little kooky in his presentation, but Catt would have recognized that his ontology isn’t so strange if she had ever bothered to take an “intro to philosophy” course. She doesn’t have to have read Camus or Sartre to understand the notion that reality, as we know it, is definitely absurd, but could also be totally meaningless — hard as that pill is to swallow.
You Hollywood socialites, and industry people at the top, thrive on making society less interested in things that make them seriously reflect, by making them more interested in if Kris Jenner will get a facelift in the foreseeable future.
What’s more meaningless is the celebration of too rich scum-suckers wearing nice clothes, and the public drooling over how good they look.
So, I’ll leave you with this: take a flying leap into the sun, and good luck flossing the dried sewage (the work you endorse, and no doubt digest) out from between your teeth. I know that mindless entertainment sells, but hey, try challenging yourself, and the American people for a change, by putting something out that makes us pause and really think about ourselves in relation to the universe.
Sincerely NOT Yours,
The antithesis to your life’s work.