Birdbrain Impersonator Buzzes Campus
October 18th, 2025 – An alleged police impersonator has been sighted around campus, donning a Central uniform with what some believe to be feathers sticking out from beneath his cap and talons piercing the tops of his boots. Officer Grey Torndowell was approached for a comment on this plumaged presence. Our Bird Beat reporter, Mick Kimaus, noted considerable amounts of aggression coming from the Officer Torndowell, stating “He just kept yelling ‘Who?’” As of deadline, the birdman had not been caged.
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