Top 5 Johns Janes | Taylor Buysse

In March 2016, Blue Muse published a guide to the best men’s bathrooms on campus. Now it’s a gal’s turn to go. As a commuter, finding a perfect restroom to conduct business is essential on a twelve-hour school day. I’ll give the inside scoop on the cleanest, user-friendly bathrooms this campus has to offer while debunking crazy women’s bathroom myths (we don’t have couches in our bathrooms). Time for women to show off a little porcelain.

5) Maria Sanford, First Floor

The lockers that line the hallways pull me back into high school while the sun cooks the classrooms in early fall and late spring, reminding students they’d rather be anywhere but in class. The overall aesthetic resembles an abandoned, decaying warehouse. How is this building still standing?

The women’s bathroom fails inspection with horribly dim lighting, a weird divider between the sinks and the door, and extremely short stall walls. My friends over 5’7” can see over the tops of the stalls. Plus, this bathroom not only lacks proper lighting and privacy, but also the assurance that it will always have toilet paper, towels, and soap. I’ve had many classes in this building and unfortunately many of them have been for three hours or early in the morning, so needing to pee is inevitable. Avoid it at all costs, unless you like the feeling of peeing in a gas station restroom.file-2

4) Vance, First Floor

On the first floor of Vance Academic Center, a water fountain sits at the beginning of a short L-shaped hallway, guiding you towards the hidden bathroom like the lamppost guides Lucy when she arrives in Narnia.

The obscure location tricked me into using it.

An Out of Order sign prevents any use of the tampon dispenser. Most women pack their own. I’ve never seen a woman use a public bathroom’s tampon dispenser, but that doesn’t mean it should be left in disrepair.

Women’s bathrooms lack couches, but this bathroom has a vase of fake pink lilies in it. Close, right?

Other than the flowers and the Narnia-esque entrance, (the only flowers I’ve seen in a public bathroom on campus), this bathroom has nothing special to offer. The cleaning staff does a great job of keeping it sterile, but there’s other bathrooms on campus.pic 3

3) Social Science, Any Floor, but the Second Is My Favorite

These bathrooms are glorious. Angels sing when the door opens and the toilets’ flush sounds like a cherub playing the harp. Sitting on the throne, I notice how pristine the entire stall is, including a never-ending supply of toilet paper. When I wash my hands, I know that there’s enough soap to get the job done. The lack of an Out of Order sign indicates that the tampon dispenser stands ready to assist (or absorb?). The spacious design of the stalls and the bathroom prevent users from making them feel like they’re entering Willy Wonka’s factory.

Searching for a clean bathroom can be tough, but these bathrooms exceeds expectations. There’s one problem: everyone uses these bathrooms.file (1)

2) Library, First Floor

The library has four bathrooms to offer, one on each floor. I recommend the first floor bathroom. Always use the first floor.

The fourth floor bathroom is unisex, a rare occurrence in a public bathroom. The line for this bathroom can get long, since it’s a single-use bathroom. The third floor bathrooms have spring hinges on them, so they are always closed, even when vacant. I hate trying to guess which ones are unoccupied. They are clean—very clean—but the doors throw me off. The second floor bathroom has an inconvenient glass fixture that forces a person into walking around it to get to the bathroom.

A table stands in the corner of the first floor bathroom (a clean place to put books, a coat, a backpack) so I don’t have to leave it on the floor or lug it with me in the stall. There’s never a need to do a potty dance because nine stalls line the walls. And you can choose a hands-free dryer or a paper towel dispenser. This bathroom, while a step down in quality from Social Science, makes up in location convenience behind the Starbucks.file4

1) Student Center near Devil’s Den

The Student Center’s bathroom has everything a woman needs in a bathroom: lots of stalls, a (working) tampon dispenser, privacy, soap, a hands-free paper towel dispenser and toilet paper. A great place for any gal to take a load off any time during the day, especially if said gal desires a good cry before your friend’s social event because you suffered a rough week of tests, essays and fighting parents. (Not that I have ever cried in a stall before a friend’s social event. Never.)

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Honorable mention: Marcus White Annex

In a world where people use social media as a platform to express all their thoughts, we still have a bathroom covered in political graffiti. They mark up the last stall in the bathroom across from the computer lab. But unlike high school—a world of anonymous messages like “S&J forever,” “I hate Mrs. D,” and “Jane sucks,”—this is a location of heated political conversation. This magazine doesn’t encourage vandalism in any way, but these stalls are a popular topic of conversation in classrooms, especially our magazine offices.

This bathroom feels dirty even though it looks clean. The bathroom hides in a corner down two stairs and across from the computer lab, but I do think it gets crowded.

On a recent visit, I noticed someone washed the arguments away. A sign on the wall says that anyone caught vandalizing will be in trouble, as the Student Code of Conduct states. Good luck with that.